Two prostitutes were standing on the corner when one of them suddenly turned to the other and said, “I know this sounds crazy, but I can smell cock!” “Take it easy,” replied the second prostitute, “I just burped!”
http://www.imagebam.com/image/1f350653199608
Sat Oct 31
Fri Oct 30
A strange looking man walked into a funeral home and said to the mortician, “I will give you $100 for the vagina of the blonde lying in that casket in the front room.” The mortician looks at the guy in disgust, “Are you mad?” he replies, “I could lose my license!” “How about the $200 [...]
Thur Oct 29
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon’s office. “You know, Doc,” he said, “I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.” “And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions,” [...]
Wed Oct 28
I came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, ‘This will make you happy tonight.’ I was right. When I went out of the bedroom,the bitch squirted it all over the fuck’n doorknobs. I couldn’t get back in.
.
http://www.imagebam.com/image/1050cc53198674
Tues Oct 27
The teacher in our religious class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. “The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat!” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, [...]
Mon Oct 26
A man was shopping in the men’s department at Bloomingdale’s when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He went up to her and said, “Good morning, madam.”She smiled pleasantly and asked “And what would you like?”The man said, “I’d like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then [...]
Sun Oct 25
Doug: I think my marriage is in trouble.
Bill: Why do you say that?
Doug: Today I overheard my wife telling a
friend she prefers fishing
to sex. “It’s not as boring,” she said.
http://www.imagebam.com/image/467ded52640749
Sat Oct 24
“My but you look different today Claudia.” commented Rene to her co-worker. “Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use — special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up ?” “No !” replied Claudia. “My fuck’n vibrator shorted out this morning.”
http://www.imagebam.com/image/a21fea52640493
Fri Oct 23
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother [...]
Thur Oct 22
A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis. He called in his receptionist to show her. She took one look and said, “It’s just like my husband’s penis.” “Wow, you mean he’s got one that long?” the mortician asked. “No,” she replied. “That fuck’n dead.”
http://www.imagebam.com/image/3f604a52640091
