Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other’s news. “I heard you’ve given up smoking, is it true?” “Yes, I haven’t had a cigarette in almost two months.” “But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret. I’ve tried everything to quit.” “Well it’s really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead” “Well that’s easy for you, but I don’t live near the beach”
Mon Feb 8
A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can’t find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it. The guy is so pleased he asks; “Do you think I could have a urine test done?”
Sun Feb 7
A knockout blonde with a fine set of tits complains to the doctor, “I believe I am losing my mind. I can’t remember ANYTHING after five minutes!” The doctor answers, in his most comforting tone, “Just take off all your clothes, miss, and lie down…”
Sat Feb 6
There are a blonde, brunette, and a redhead at a maternity ward. The redhead says she’s having a girl because when she had sex she was on top. The brunette says she’s having a boy because the guy was on top. The brunette and redhead notice the blonde starting to cry. They asked her what was wrong and she said, “I’m having fuck’n puppies.
http://www.imagebam.com/image/a93dc865462071
Fri Feb 5
You know you’re real lonely when you practice yoga so you can suck your fuck’n dick.
Thur Feb 4
A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you’ve got.” He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that one back, too. After about 5 or 6 of these the bartender decides that he’s going to cut the guy off. He says to the guy, “Hey, what’s wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?” The man sighs and says, “Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a whole week!” The bartender, puzzled, says, “Well, what’s wrong with that?” The man replied, “Well today’s the last fuck’n day
Wed Feb 3
George turned to his 40-year-old buddy on the next bar stool and asked, “John, Why aren’t you married?” ”I guess I just haven’t found the right woman,” replied John. “So what would she be like?” asked George. “Well, George, she’d have to be real pretty, great at sex, a good cook and housekeeper, know how to handle money, with a pleasant personality, oh, and money, too. And, a nice house would help,” said John. George grimaced. “A woman like that would be crazy to marry you.” “Oh, I don’t give a fuck if she’s crazy,” said John.
Tues Feb 2
There was nothing to do on this Thursday night, so the two co-eds were just hanging around the apartment. Brenda, who was dressed in only a in bra and panties, was jiggling back and forth around their place doing some chores. Abby, who was sitting on the bed, decided this was the night that she would reveal her secret to her room mate. “Take a break”, Abby said to her friend, “Come over here and sit down”. As soon as Brenda sat on the bed, Abby leaned over and kissed her full on the lips. “I’ve always wanted to tell you something” Abby said, “It’s kinda hard to say this… Well, let me be frank”. Brenda leaned toward her friend and said in a sexually husky voice: “No darling… Let me be Frank”.
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Mon Feb 1
A man watching a baseball game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple. “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” he said to his wife. “For heaven’s sake, watch them fuck,” his wife said.”You already know how to play baseball!”
Sun Jan 31
My girlfriend and I were fucking last night when she looked up at me and said, “Make love to me like in the movies.” So I turned her over on all fours, stuck my cock in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over, and blow a nut over her face and hair. I guess we don’t watch the same fucking movies.
