Oprah goes to the doctor with a sore throat, and he says, “Take off all of your clothes, lie on your back on my table, and spread your legs as wide as you can.” She says, “How will that help my sore throat?” He says, “It won’t, but I want to see how my house will look painted black with pink shutters.”
Thur Nov 5
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn’t have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he’s looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, “Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!” The hooker replies, “Hey, old man, what the fuck did you expect for $10? damn Lobster?”
Wed Nov 4
Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, “You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns, and you get all teary-eyed?” The second black guy says, “Yeah, all the time.” The other says, “Why is that?” The second says, “I think it’s the fuck’n pepper spray.”
Tue Nov 3
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. “You wanna wank?” she asked. “You bet,” was the excited reply. “O.K.,” she said. “I come back in ten minutes.”
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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/f91bac466b5d043ed4ed2770a826ab08/
Mon Nov 2
Once a young boy was watching his mother take a bath. As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks “Momma what are those?” She replies “Son those are my breasts,” as she turns her back to him he asks “Momma what is that?” she replies “Son that is my derriere.” As she turns to slip on her robe he spies her nether region and asks “Momma what is that?” She replies “That son is none of your business!” Later the boy is playing by the kitchen door, and the father comes in from work hungry. The father hollers toward the kitchen to the mom, “Hey honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies “None of your business.” The son shaking his head says “YUCK!”
Sun Nov 1
What can make you feel really good or be the annoying thing on the fuck’n planet?
A woman’s mouth!
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Sat Oct 31
Two prostitutes were standing on the corner when one of them suddenly turned to the other and said, “I know this sounds crazy, but I can smell cock!” “Take it easy,” replied the second prostitute, “I just burped!”
Fri Oct 30
A strange looking man walked into a funeral home and said to the mortician, “I will give you $100 for the vagina of the blonde lying in that casket in the front room.” The mortician looks at the guy in disgust, “Are you mad?” he replies, “I could lose my license!” “How about the $200 then!” the man says. The mortician thought about this for a moment, then said, “All right, you have a deal, but keep it quiet OK?” Locking the doors and pulling the drapes, he went to work, scalpel in hand. In minutes he was holding a dripping bloody pussy at arms length, and he asked nervously, “How would you like it wrapped?” “Never mind wrapping it,” said the man, “I will eat it here!”
Thur Oct 29
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon’s office. “You know, Doc,” he said, “I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.” “And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions,” the medic said. “Hell, no,” the old fellow replied. “I want to borrow your Lamborghini!
Wed Oct 28
I came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, ‘This will make you happy tonight.’ I was right. When I went out of the bedroom,the bitch squirted it all over the fuck’n doorknobs. I couldn’t get back in.
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