Sorry every one but I just dont feel like doing this anymore thanks to all of you. Lefturn
Sat July 31
Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud to his friend waiting for him in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!” “I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home to the same old one.”
Fri July 30
At a party a guy cornered a girl and whispered something in her ear. “You filthy pervert!” she shrieked. “What makes you think I’d let you do a thing like that to me?” Then her eyes narrowed and she said, “Unless you’re the piece of shit that stole my fuck’n diary…”
Thur July 29
“When I realized that I couldn’t satisfy my wife’s insatiable sex appetite,” the man said to his drinking buddy, “I bought her quite an assortment of every sex toy made, thinking that would keep her faithful.” “Did it work ?” asked the friend. “Well, kinda…” the man replied. “But now, every time I do feel like a fuck, I find myself 3rd or 4th in line.”
Wed July 28
A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?” The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, “Do you mean to tell me that ‘Pussy Treats’ are for cats?”
Tues July 27
George meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell George is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. George replies, “The people at Victoria’s Secret are SO rude. There I am in their store and I’m trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I’m picking some out… and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was decide which ones I liked. So – I took the panties out of my mouth and took my business elsewhere.”
Mon July 26
It’s the first day of school and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girl says: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.” The next little boy says: “I’m Andy and my dad is a mechanic.” Then one little boy says: “My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.” The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad plays for the Cubs and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”
Sun July 25
What’s the difference between a man and a vibrator?
One is cold and impersonal, and the other needs a fuck’n battery.
Sat July 24
Mary: Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?
Jill: Really? I wish I could do that. I’d like a change for the better.
Mary: Well, you can always do what she did.
Jill: What’s that?
Mary: Don’t wear panties to the interview.
Fri July 23
A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is. “My life is awful,” the man says. “Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me.” “Well, why don’t you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?” the bartender asks. “I love the game,” the man says. “I’m a genius. I never lose.” The bartender is confused. “I thought you just said your wife beats you.” “Yeah,” the man says, “she’s a sore loser.”
